observation 309.24.11

So many days have passed. Each one different, but each one very similar in its sameness.

The full moon always lifts my face up with a soft "look at me." I'm not alone. That comforts me and crushes me at the same time. That is the true essence of existence, I'm feeling this as an answer. It's like the stars in the constellations. To the eye, they appear to be aligned right next to each other. But in relation to each other, in reality, they are glowing light years apart.

From the most I can tell, the numbers most frequent must be the numbers most important.

12:12, 3:33 and 5:55. In daylight or in darkness, they pull me away or awake.

It's something I just keep my eye and my mind on. It comforts me and warms my heart so that I can't help myself but smile. It feels like a warm hand on my face, and it usually is. And I've made the connection that when I ask a certain question of myself from within, and then answer it with truth in my heart, I usually look up and it's confirmed for me with a 4:44.

Again I smile, reassured with calm uncertainty.

Yes, it's 4:44 again. And no, I can't help but love you for that.




"fitter, happier, more productive"

more productive
comfortable
not drinking too much
regular exercise at the gym (3 days a week)
getting on better with your associate employee contemporaries
at ease
eating well (no more microwave dinners and saturated fats)
a patient better driver
a safer car (baby smiling in back seat)
sleeping well (no bad dreams)
no paranoia
careful to all animals (never washing spiders down the plughole)
keep in contact with old friends (enjoy a drink now and then)
will frequently check credit at (moral) bank (hole in wall)
favours for favours
fond but not in love
charity standing orders
on sundays ring road supermarket
(no killing moths or putting boiling water on the ants)
car wash (also on sundays)
no longer afraid of the dark
or midday shadows
nothing so ridiculously teenage and desperate
nothing so childish
at a better pace
slower and more calculated
no chance of escape
now self-employed
concerned (but powerless)
an empowered and informed member of society (pragmatism not idealism)
will not cry in public
less chance of illness
tires that grip in the wet (shot of baby strapped in back seat)
a good memory
still cries at a good film
still kisses with saliva
no longer empty and frantic
like a cat
tied to a stick
that's driven into
frozen winter shit (the ability to laugh at weakness)
calm
fitter, healthier and more productive
a pig
in a cage
on antibiotics"

- Radiohead